Driving.....

I like driving. It reminds of sex. The power, the force, thrill, the jostling, the exploration.

Part of my driving experience requires music. I am having trouble finding the particular music I want but between what I already own and the radio I had enough to entertain me. The Princess sings to me often also. I love that part of the ride.

What does not entertain me is miles of construction, but hey its part of the adventure right? The narrow lanes, detours, dirt and bumps in the road become part of the adventure and, like life, are sometimes the best part of the story.

The other road hazards are critters, all shapes and sizes of them. I saw an owl dead on the side of the road the other day and thought "how odd" I wonder if the person that hit it even knew what it was that scared them alert again. Today while driving home at dusk I caught myself tensing and praying for the amphibian type creature that tried to cross the road. I straddled him but I wasnt sure he was going to be so lucky when he crossed into the next lane...... and I tried to look back in the rear view but by then he was to far away to see.


My question today...... Do you check the rear view or just keep driving if you hit or nearly hit something?

age and innoncence 2

As I watch with delight and dismay at my daughters progress toward adulthood I find I am remembering details of my own life.

I wonder if she has held hands with a boy, or kissed one. I wonder if when she is away from me is she safe.....

Will she make good choices? Will she say no more often? Or will she be like me and enjoy the various explorations?

Today I loaded her Mp3 player. I censored obvious songs on cheating or sex. There still is plenty of love and heartbreak. There is a few just fun up beat little tunes. Music has helped and still helps me cope. Poor thing is be subjected to the music of my youth along with some newer music we both adore presently.

As I reviewed my catalog of songs the memories spanned from painfull to light. Emotions ebbed and flowed. My toes tapped. I smiled and I cried.

I can not save her from her first heartbreak. She will stumble and fall and pick herself back up. Friends will come and go too quickly. Best I can do is give her the tools to be a descent person with some grace and a fair amount of dignity.

I was 13 when I begged for my first "boombox". She now holds more music in the palm of her hand then I could have carried feasibly with my boombox.

So I ask what are some of the song that remind you of your past?

of Age and innocence....

I find myself in a odd place theses days.

I am trying to hold onto my youth and my duaghter is trying to evolve from her youth.

She wants to dress "pretty" which unfortunately also often equates to "sexy". She just turned 11. I find I have become the fashion police. Too short, too high cut, too LOW cut, too tight, too loose, too see through are all phrases I have uttered in an effort to retrain some sort of innocence in her wardrobe. Admitedly, some of the outfits I vetoed I wish I could have worn for the very reason she was not allowed to wear them.

Today her doctor expressed concerns about her very femine style. She wants to nix the long earrings. (really?) and the lipstick. Admittedly she did walk into the office with a coco red lipstick but usually is restriced to glosses with little or no color. She just happened to use the color I was wearing today.

I am in the process of re evaluating my own sexuality. I find as I get older I want to experience a wider range of what is stimulating. I think about what sex means to me and my relationship. Is it really the sex I want? or is it the intimacy? How much is enough? or too much? What is fair in a loving and supportive relationship? Am I still desireable? Are my expectations realistic? Does this dress make my ass look fat or does the cleavage offset the wide backside? What is next?


Sexual thoughts dominate my conciousness. Its my favorite topic of discussion. I have more fantasies in a day then I can count. At one point, early in my life, these thoughts were more closely associated with loyality and passion and fairytale happy-ever-after-endings. I used to expect that my Prince would color my world rosy. Today I understand that is more like a rainbow we paint together. Now I find my fantasys are more of a physical thing. Did that come with confidence or age or both? How do I help her realize sex does not equate love and a person must love themselves before loving someone else? How do I ease her into adulthood with a healthy and balanced perspective of sexuality when I feel so out of kilter myself?


I watched her play today. Not with kids her age, but with kids in the 3 to 8 year old range. I couldnt help but choke up knowing these are the probably the last days of her playing just for fun, unaware of the wider world. Today she is still a child, tomorrow a woman.

A new school year... and some catching up....

I love school.


I hate my kids in school.
Dont get me wrong, I understand the importance of a good education. I just hate the bull our two children try to pull.

So far The Princess has been "sick" more mornings then not. Funny how by the time I pick her up at the end of the day she is bouncing with a healthy glow. It is an all out war to get her to do her homework. I am having to check with her teachers everyday about every detail. If we try to help her, the drama increases. She doesnt want help she wants it done for her. She hasnt had TV all week. She dont care. I am now trying to bribe her with a trip with Mom to the movies. Pray for me.

The Manchild called his mom, me and his dad looking for a ride home for being so sick......"I can barely stand. I cant see my work." Unfortunately for him, he pulled this so often last school year no one believes him. It was a miracle, so sick at school he had to leave, but get him home and he can eat spicy greasey food. Huh. What was hystericall was all the adults in his life told him the safe thing. Suck it up. Stay in school. No vomit, no fever, no emergency ride home. Now who can see this biting us in the ass at some point this year?


We are planning a party x 2 for The Princess. She will be 11 on Saturday. We have invited all kids from both her classes and all her dance partners. I am scared. Someone please help me. Why did I agree to a roomfull of prepubscent boys and girls?
We are having pizza and cheesecake. At Pizza Hut. Yeah! for someone else cleaning up the mess.

After the school chum party we are having dinner with Zigs parents. We are going to a local restaurant that has games and great wings. AND BEER! I think by then I will need the beer.

She has asked for a mp3 player. I am waiting till Christmas. For now just some clothes and earrings and maybe a barbie bed. Maybe. I explained that dance class, shoes and outfits are part of her birthday. Its getting to be an expensive habit with both of us taking classes now.

Speaking of dance, my legs are killing me. Belly dancing is so much fun and such a great work out. Now if I could just eat right I might lose an inch or two. Ballet and Tap start next week. I am looking forward to the rigors of ballet. I still hate the mirrors though.


Oh and I cut my hair. 13 inches. I am still getting used to it, so is Zig. But it feels so much better. I have a heavy head of hair and letting it get to mid back was just weighing me down. Plus it was hot. Very hot. I did donate the ponytail to Locks for Love. It is my third donation.

Maybe I will post a pic soon.

Well that about does it. You're all caught up now. YEAH FOR FALL! I love this time of year. It is so romantic.