can I trade being a woman for a day?
Normally I adore being a woman. I love that I have curves, and the attention my curves earn. But today I would really rather not. I want to trade. Particularily my bewbies.
They hurt. I looked it up..... breast pain is not a typical sign of cancer.... especially bilateral discomfort. I did like the word "mastodynia". Sounds like they should be roaring, teeth bared off my chest huh?
The probablity is fibrocystic breast changes , PMS, pregnancy, breastfeeding or perimenopause. I'm a bit young yet for the menopause thing.... I'm definetly not pregnant or breastfeeding. PMS? I'm sure if you asked in my house they'd tell you I have PMS everyday! fibro whaaattt? OH damn.
60% of women between 30 and 50 have the tenderness, lumps, bumps and fullness associated with fibrocystic changes. Women with these changes should be extra vigilant about monthly self breast exams (sbe) about 5 days after their period (when breast are least tender). The density changes in a fibrocystic breast can make detecting a cancerous legion slightly more difficult. Great, just when I got comfy with the idea that breast pain is NOT a sign of cancer they toss this at me.
But on the bonus side:
husband: "what are you doing honey"
wife "self breast exam, its important to know my 'normal'"
husband "need help with that?" or "can I watch?"
Hey I'm all for taking a mundane task and sexing it up! And just think, it needs to be done EVERY MONTH! I say lets make a game of it... Spot the Dot SBE or FBE (friend breast exam) massage! Did you know they acutally market a device to help "glide" ones fingers over ones breast. People really need help touching them selves?!?!?! but I digress.....
The standard advice was a bit disconcerting. NSAIDS like ibrufrofen or acetomen per package instructions. (ok check) A supportive bra, (what? this pretty lil lacy number has to retire?) Take your vitamins, (ok I can do that), stop caffiene, ( you have to be kidding, I work nights, caffiene is a food group!) and decrease fat intake. What? my ample derriere has taken years to get this size! Ditto for "the girls". They are beautifully full. OK beutifully full and painfull. Yet more reason I need to stop eating like a typical process food junky.
So basically I have to make lifestyle changes to decrease the breast changes. Fast food or breastsssss that can be touched, caressed, fondled...... HMMMM guess who just went on a diet!
They hurt. I looked it up..... breast pain is not a typical sign of cancer.... especially bilateral discomfort. I did like the word "mastodynia". Sounds like they should be roaring, teeth bared off my chest huh?
The probablity is fibrocystic breast changes , PMS, pregnancy, breastfeeding or perimenopause. I'm a bit young yet for the menopause thing.... I'm definetly not pregnant or breastfeeding. PMS? I'm sure if you asked in my house they'd tell you I have PMS everyday! fibro whaaattt? OH damn.
60% of women between 30 and 50 have the tenderness, lumps, bumps and fullness associated with fibrocystic changes. Women with these changes should be extra vigilant about monthly self breast exams (sbe) about 5 days after their period (when breast are least tender). The density changes in a fibrocystic breast can make detecting a cancerous legion slightly more difficult. Great, just when I got comfy with the idea that breast pain is NOT a sign of cancer they toss this at me.
But on the bonus side:
husband: "what are you doing honey"
wife "self breast exam, its important to know my 'normal'"
husband "need help with that?" or "can I watch?"
Hey I'm all for taking a mundane task and sexing it up! And just think, it needs to be done EVERY MONTH! I say lets make a game of it... Spot the Dot SBE or FBE (friend breast exam) massage! Did you know they acutally market a device to help "glide" ones fingers over ones breast. People really need help touching them selves?!?!?! but I digress.....
The standard advice was a bit disconcerting. NSAIDS like ibrufrofen or acetomen per package instructions. (ok check) A supportive bra, (what? this pretty lil lacy number has to retire?) Take your vitamins, (ok I can do that), stop caffiene, ( you have to be kidding, I work nights, caffiene is a food group!) and decrease fat intake. What? my ample derriere has taken years to get this size! Ditto for "the girls". They are beautifully full. OK beutifully full and painfull. Yet more reason I need to stop eating like a typical process food junky.
So basically I have to make lifestyle changes to decrease the breast changes. Fast food or breastsssss that can be touched, caressed, fondled...... HMMMM guess who just went on a diet!
posted by Mrs.ZigZagMan | 4:40 PM
3 Comments:
Glad you're home!
I used to suffer with lumpy ones for years...and the pain...oh, the pain. I did start to worry about it, right up until April when I had my hysterectomy. And with no hormones racing round my body, I am pain free. So, it wasn't cancer, or some other weird disease....just another one of things to add to the list of what women have to deal with each month.
My advice? Tell Mr Zig you have done a lot of research and need plenty of TLC, some new bras (with matching panties of course,) a collection of new extra support tops (just baffle him with words) and plenty of bubble baths. x
I don't examine myself I leave it to Alex. Somehow I just never remember to check myself.
By return I know every nook and crannie of Alex's testicles.
Good luck with cutting back on the junk food. ;)
suze I think FBE (friend breast exam) should be a national service announcement. *giggles* I'm all for FTE exam too and shaving is a great way to get examined and lickably clean.
Miss Thanks, its great to be a back.
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