The Angry Beaver

Why do women torture ourselves in the name of beauty? Are we not beautiful even without make up, without hair coloring or perm, without hair removal from various body parts? Even the Mothers of my daughters dance troupe tell their daughters routinely "beauty is pain" or "suffer for your art". Of course that is a desparate ( I paid for classes and costume) Mom trying to convince a 4 to 10 year old that having their twisted hair into the necassary configuration for the recital is immediately mandatory. So for the sake of beauty and convience I submitted myself to (insert evil music here) THE WAXING!!!!!
I had been considering a wax job for some time but honestly just to yellow bellied chicken to have the hair of my nether region ripped out by the roots. And just when did my well behaved patch of curlies expand looking for new territory? Bathing suit season used to be fun and carefree. Now it requires "maintainence". Whether you choose depillatories, the blade, threading or waxing, most of the women I know profess to some sort of "retraining the bush" during the summer months. My upcoming trip to Florida precipated my need for socially acceptable trim of the down there. Normally I have great fun with the blade. I am notorious in the Zig household for random acts of topiary type bush whacking. But I have the 5 o clock shadow issue, and the trip to florida will require hours of pool time. I dont know about you, but getting dirty looks from other people cuz your pubes are trying to assert their independence is a bit uncomfortable for me.
SO the idea of being baby smooth for weeks was appealing. Appealing enough for me to call the local salon and make an appoitment. Yes I paid for this privilage.
NO DAMN WAY! was I going to attempt this at home.
I must confess the call was painless. The sweet voiced gal on the other end even did her best to answer my detailed questions but eventually had to profess quietly "There are people standing right here". Apparently she did not want to offend other customers with a detailed description of a "brazillan". She did however play a interesting game of hot and cold as I attempted to describe various places to be denuded of fuzz while she said yes or no appropriately. The poor thing was so embarrassed she thanked me.
My appointment was for 445. I must say in the 6 hour wait I had to endure that my nerves and imagination got the best of me. I was progressively getting yellower. I did however shower and leave for my appointment, it would have been rude to cancel at the last minute. I thought it was nice of me to consider showering before hand since I had been baking in 90 degree heat with 70% humidity all day.
I arrived just in time and had no wait as the Terri my technition was ready for me. I walked with great bravado up the stairs of a clean and sweet smelling full service day spa. Terri showed me to my torture chamber..... I mean room. I immediately confessed my igonorance and requested Terri to "talk me thru". She was pleasant 50ish but looked 40 good natured redhead. Which was cool, because part of my trepidation was the fear of getting some stodgy, sadist, wickedly ancient matron. Terri instucted be to disrobe form the waist down and provided appropriate cover. (COOL! I like being nekkid). So far so good. We discuss the particulars of the job to be done. I requested enough left so I still looked like a woman and not a lil girl. I have shaved totally nude before and enjoy the feeling but wasnt sure I wanted to commit to weeks of beaver nudity.
The first strip was the left side, the wax pleasantly warm. And to be honest my imagination was way worse then the actuall demise of the offending dark hairs. The discomfort was akin to a sharp slap, and dissipated quickly. Terri frequently reminded my that I was doing "so well". Which made every word of encouragement I'd ever given a patient seem pathetically hollow. We laughed and made small talk all the while she is applying hot wax and removing with deft quick hands follicles of evil. I even learned a bit..... like did you know each follicle site extrudes 3 hairs? I must confess the worst part was not flipping over to bare the back side, nor was it the on the sensitive lips of womanhood.....nooooooo
the worst part was the top of the mons...just under the belly. In fairness Terri did warn me. But the actually RIPPPPPP made me tear. Overall an intersting experience having a strange woman clean your nether regions. When all was said and done I was left with a delicately womanly 2 X 3 inch patch and neatly fuzzy labia. and THE ANGRY BEAVER!
Terri had been kinda enough to leave me some soothing lotion. The act of attempting to smooth the precious pubis actually left it red, tender and wait....is that stubble? and where did row of wild hairs on the edge come from????? I consider the possibilities..... and decide bullpucky I am paying good money for this....I trepidousily crack open the door....."Terri??" I ask about the stubble....she assures me that its irritation and will go while in a few hours but was pleasant about removing the few stays. She tells me that some woman are left so uncomfortable that sex is impossible the first night! EGADS! no sex? I pray for a speedy recovery.
Later that night the angry beaver is really angry it has been hours and remains beet red and stubbly feeling. I clamor in my cupboards for something to assuage the beast. HMMM antibiotics ?... dont want to clog pores.... toner? hell no! alcohol on the red raw sensitive hooch?...... digg digg..... stuff falling out of the cupboard.... I look up... a tiny bottle of eye cream....meant to combat the seven signs of aging.... After carefull consideration .... it helps combat puffiness and smooths lines and corrects color... and made for the delicate eye area PERFECT! and let me tell you it was cool and soothing. Several hours later the RED ANGRY BEAVER reared its now smooth head...
I must confess I was not so bothered by the angry beaver as to for go sex. And was delighted when Zig indicited he wanted not me turn for some delicisous spooning like I thought.... but a sexy deep throated "get that brazillian up here" had me tingling even before his deft tongue pleasured me. The sex was hot, sweaty and absolutely enjoyable after weeks of hiatus. Not our norm at all, but damn its hard to feel sexy when kidneystones are ripping your uretures in two.
After enjoying the after glow of sexual satity, I realized my angry red friend was still not happy. I spent the night with a cold water bottle rotating from left side to top to right side. Next mornig I was feeling delightfully smooth and carefree though still pink on the edges. I considered pics but somehow irritated pics of my snatch did not sound appealing..... you can thank me later for sparing you all.
Several days later I am whimisical about the whole experience and delightfully happy with the now smooth, petite bush I have left. I think next time I will request the "porn star strip". Cuz you know in the Zig house I am the porn star......